The role of communication in relationships as earlier established in my previous article cannot be overemphasized. Communication is known to be one the greatest relationship boosters and I’m certain that going through this article will help you understand how to communicate with your partner. If he or she is always getting pissed at the way you respond during conversations, its time to get it fixed!

Your partner always expects you to be supportive and not judgemental after they’ve broken some kind of news to you which could be positive or negative, if your partner is a very emotional being, responding care freely and sanctimoniously could totally wreck your partners heart and rob your partner of the happiness and freedom that comes with sharing ideas, consequently having adverse effects on that cherished relationship of yours. I’m sure you don’t want your relationship to go awry.

Conversations can be erratic at times, and your ability to respond appropriately gives you an advantage. That appropriate response method is called active constructive responding. Of all the four ways to respond(active constructive responding, active destructive responding, passive constructive responding and passive destructive responding), active constructive responding is the most effective of all ways to respond to good news .

Imagine your partner comes home from work and announces that he just signed a deal worth millions, there are many ways in which you could respond to this news. An active constructive responder might say, ” that’s extremely commendable honey, i just knew you’d win this, we should certainly celebrate your success,I anticipate more deals like this, cheers” . When people share good news, they want you to share in their joy. And this goes far beyond just a handshake. Conveying genuine interest, enthusiasm and even curiosity are all hallmarks of active constructive responding. Your feedback after listening to your partner share the good news should also entail questions like “tell me about it, how did this all start? give me the full gist” by asking more questions you will allow your partner to relive the positive experience- encouraging all the positive emotions to resurface. Let your partner feel the upward spiral of positive emotions and float on the wave of happiness.

Now you know how to respond when your partner breaks a good news to you, but how about when your partner breaks an awful news to you? George and Evelyn can tell better.

George and Evelyn have been together (been married) for 3 years, indeed their marriage has been without much hurdles, though it’s perfectly normal to have those times. George works in a law firm and earns enough to take care of himself, Evelyn,the 3month old fetus and Evelyn’s business.

It was Thursday morning, Evelyn was still in bed and George didn’t want to disturb, he kissed her cheek and tummy and went downstairs, George was set for work and left home as early as 7am having just 2 slices of wheat bread and coffee. Evelyn woke up after an hour and noticed George left already, “oh no, i slept off, I couldn’t even prepare breakfast” she rushed downstairs running towards the kitchen, on getting to the kitchen door, Evelyn slipped hurting her head badly, she bled profusely from her head, in so much anguish she managed to raise herself up, and successfully did. “oh no!” she screamed, as blood ran down her thighs, she couldn’t bear loosing her baby she cried so loud that her broken head didn’t seem to matter anymore, she limped towards the telephone hanging on the wall and tried calling George, she tried severally but he wasn’t picking up. she cried even louder as the pain became more excruciating. She reached for the car keys and limped toward the car, opened the gate and drove immediately to the hospital since she couldn’t reach her husband, she was immediately attended to and was cleaned up by the nurses as she was soaked in blood. The doctor immediately after the clean up checked on the baby and unfortunately……..she lost it. She couldn’t control her emotions, she screamed in so much pain, they’ve been married for three years and when she finally got pregnant she lost it, she wished she never woke up that morning, how would she break the news to George, he was the happiest man on earth when he found out she was pregnant. She cried profusely.

It was 3pm, and she was strong enough to go back home, she was encouraged by the nurses to be very careful on the way and eat properly so she could regain strength. But she was too depressed to think of any of that, she laid on the couch crying till evening and could only sleep for ten minutes. There was a knock on the door, George was back. She ran towards the door crying, she opened the door and fell on his shoulders “we lost it, we lost our baby” she cried. George wasn’t quick to react but was indeed confused, “what do you mean ?” . She narrated everything that happened in the morning, but she was doing more of crying than talking. George was badly hurt by this story, but looked at his wife pitifully, she had been through so much all alone today, George could barely understand her. He told her to stop talking, and hugged her passionately assuring her that everything would be okay. He had never been so broken since they got married, but couldn’t bear Evelyn being in so much pain. Even though he had told her earlier not to do chores, he couldn’t push blames in such critical time, he assured her that they would go through it together. He gave her something to eat and went upstairs for a shower. He cried in the shower, he just lost the chance of being called daddy, but he never let Evelyn see him in that state.

Indeed George was hurt, he had lost so much but his response to the bad news was indeed brilliant.

When your partner breaks a bad news to you, the first thing to do is keep calm, this is because any inappropriate response from you may throw your partner even quicker into the pool of guilt and depression. Secondly, think before you act, respond only after proper evaluation of your response and actions, never act out of frustration because you may regret that moment, lets look at the story through an opposite view, imagine if George after hearing the story stood up in anger and yelled at Evelyn and probably beat her up for being so careless about the baby, don’t you think Evelyn’s condition would’ve been worse? think about it. And lastly, arrest the situation with love and don’t push blames.

Finally, be an active constructive responder and share the positive vibes with your partner as well as give your partner an opportunity to soar in the wind of positive emotions. And if ever you ever receive negative news from your partner, keep calm after receiving it, don’t do or say anything that will upset your partner because at that point you’d be acting up. And if you’re the kind of person that cant deal with it, calm your partner and gently leave the scene for a while. Now you know how to respond to your partner when either positive or negative discussions arise.

I hope this was helpful, more articles that will help you build a stronger relationship will be released subsequently, respond appropriately!


  1. A must read article. I completely agree with you that the qualities mentioned in this article make a good teacher. Very authentic. Keep it up.

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