The topic of dating in Nigerian Culture has increased significantly as the Nigerian individuals and multicultural commingles around the world, not just in the African atmosphere alone.  In the United States, there are were around 252,172[1]  who identify themselves as Nigerians. Whether you are interested in pursuing, a relationship with an individual of the Nigerian descent or curious about dating spending time with me will help you understand how we as Nigerians can place you better in touch with a much broader scope of their relationship radar before now and now,[2]  structure and even more profound

Dating in the African culture tends to be linked to specific values. This meant relationship, especially when the entire family on both ends are aware of the union tend to take it seriously. When it came to dating, then it was almost always seen as appropriate to have made a formal introduction of the families of the two parties dating. It was all about getting to know the kind of family he or she might be going into for the rest of their lives. The introduction of the two families must have been after the two parties have become friends. The best thing that can ever happen is getting married to your best friend. This has been the saying from time.

However, before getting to this stage the two parties must have become friends. An entire community must see to success to the parties and families uniting. Then families at times glance into each other’s future accordingly. Dating someone was more involved with more than just the main parties having a say as to what had happened in the union. The idea of one’s financial background was not as important. The most important things they enforced on included thee background, spirituality was the second most important piece of the maze. The involvement of an entire family meant that if any of the two main parties were to be misbehaving, they had pillars to lean on for support.          

Dating is a type of test and a predictor for the future that is if even at all marriage was in their picture. It has always been part of foundations that before any journey God must be the foundational background without him our ideas are considered null and void because our capability levels.  The idea of seeking God first in a life-long journey has always being the background base of any strong union.  Strategies like this are mostly emphasized in there South-South region of Nigeria.

Over the years, dating traditions have changed. Although, not all the sectors of a traditional relationship have being modified.  Most times people want to privatize their relationship in this generations for several known reasons to them. There are certain aspects of the structures of a relationship that has not been modified. Dating any one from that circle now has more tougher approach. The structure is completely unique yet hardened.  Dating now involves getting to know whether as they give their daughter away her means of living is not in jeopardy. The families conduct a tough background check on each side, following this comes the big question as the old saying plays “What does he do for a living?” To the families the answer to this foundation to a happy home and a successful marriage.

While on the other hand, some families value love over fame or financial buoyancy. When this portion has been resolved they then   deviate to their educational background which has been there for years now, as a matter of fact if after the investigation is conducted as it turns out he or she either one of the parties have no educational background that is where most times the relationship between the two parties dissolve even before the starting point. This point you begin to hear things such as “What an elder see sitting a child standing on the tallest tree can’t see it?” This type of saying or adage should invent identically path that says “Do not despise the Joseph of little beginnings you see of now will be elevate tomorrow. That saying does not always apply to all scenarios. For some the rule of law does work as it says but other times it does fall in the path of favor for those who join forces to fight of good faith.

Moreover, some that were not successful has inquiries of consequence that awaited them on either approach they took. Regardless of how they later present themselves addressing their flaws, impressions made about him or her does not change the stigma will always remain regardless of their status. Nevertheless, since the stigma has always being present getting their heads up in the mist of family would be tough for a while and unless both parties compromise. There will be lots of challenges as time unveils because will be encountering different scenarios where you might come across them. The best way to handle the situation is to always prove them wrong even though you have flaws.

Our current generations seemed to have modified the ideology of relationship and its different sectors and luckily, I am proudly part of this amazing generation. I also happened to have encountered some unique relationships in the past. Although, the events and happenings I encountered were to an extent similar yet unique in nature. In our society, dating segmented into two different channels that includes being physically present or other way around which is long distance relationships. I have had encounters with these two segments with different experiences. They all had their ups and downs as well as their lessons. Generally, this generation are under the impression that dating is a child’s play. They idea of dating is seen in a different dimension; some see beyond just material things while other use both criteria. The definition I illustrated portrays my own perspective I treat relationships as if they were a do or die affair.   I always ensure my yes us my YES is my YES and NO is NO and stand my ground. Most times people these days go into relationships because of material things such as the I WANT TO BELONG GROUP other times because of fame  or money which   differentiates me from my peers as the saying goes cut your coat according to your size. I have made a different decision from my other peers.        

Relationships in the diaspora with the Nigerian-American holds different perspectives views. Relationships in the diaspora are considered an individual affair whereas to others it is a family affair. These two divisions obtain its own ups and downs. Some are unable to have the luxury of making the decisions themselves rather they cubed[3]  by decisions made by family members. A typical family involved in certain relationships would work only if their individual qualifications per family were met.

The structure of the average Nigerian-American relationship is always between the two parties until there is a sure conviction among both parties. The relationship is pursued in a tunnel until there is a known intention to the outside world in other words there is a strong conviction that has been established and they are now ready to tie the knot. In most cases people go through this route to avoid third party involvement but at the end of the day some still end up involving forcefully sometimes their involvement could destroy the relationship before it even springs up.

However, sometimes the relationships with family involvement end up successful and there is absolute peace within all those who are involved in the union because again relationships are family affairs for some people. A family here in the diaspora had 100% involvement in the dating process involving their children. Thus far intervention of the families has helped their dating process successful. The families had their internal conflicts and as well as concerns, but they were resolved a time passed. Thus far, there has been understanding joy and peace in their homes. Everyone has their own variety of texture of bed sheet to pick for your bed the success or failure of the relationship lies in your hands.

The first  two encounters seemed to be working out until it got to meeting his  sexual demands, this is the area  we could not move on because we had two different  agendas therefore the future of that one diminished at the beginning that chapter closed and another unveiled. This time I was placed in a circumstance of  trying to build the type of future partner I want to spend the rest of my life with however, this meant that I had needed to input a lot of efforts to create who I would like to see in my  lather days. The approach that was utilized all came sinking as I saw the opposite effect of my strategy to build. Moving forward, I made my personal Investments in this project the outcome was a sink in a tunnel. The entire ordeal came to an end situation turned for the worse whereby it was almost looking like a relationship that began to approach the violent stage almost mid-way through the relationship. Then, I realized that I was trading on the wrong path if I continued in that cycle. Looking at all events took place after my unsuccessful creation I had to end the relationship.

Trying to restructure someone’s character to suite your standard can be very disastrous if not careful it could even lead to death lucky; I had the wisdom to call it quits before it got to its grotesque moments. This made me not take people on their word then first go around

Following that, I encountered the funniest one, it was an experience I never saw coming.  The entire storyline at first seemed so really, we gave the relationship a break just to see if any changes would occur noticeable there were tough real changes that came to reality.

When the lies began to mature, it’s nature and style alone made the demise of the relationship quicker story ended, there was a common lesson learned  from this relationship that “Not all that glitters are gold” in the main time as this adventure closed another a new adventure began. I had learnt the hard way from my previous encounter as regards to creating the lifetime partner I wanted to spend the  rest of my life  that  I have to place limit as to how much I can change someone[4]  life structure and customize it to my taste. This time around I was in a similar situation like the previous one.  This scenario was not as bad as the previous ones. However, several events had occurred that lead to the end of the first semi-realistic relationship. He was a family person which was amazing there was also a strong indication that there was a strong bond between himself and his family. 

There are always good and bad sides of people and it gets to a point where their other side unravel when it came to decision-making relating to both of our relationship. At least with this one the relationship went as far as to marriage planning which was where all the excitement came to an end as his family’s opinion mattered more in setting our marriage date. His family felt that they needed to be fully in the marriage preparations, this circumstance interfered with the planned dates we both concluded.

Thereafter, the we were unable to reasonable compromise because of the  conflicts with wedding date home getting to know me he was already beginning to boast of marrying me within the first couple of months’ time passed and the truth was unveiled as a serious health issue arose this point as the real villain was unleashed  as one critical event changed everything and turned things for the worse. I have always very open and loyal in all my relationships, I say things the exact way they are there by not sugar coating as the saying goes. Soon, all that talk about marriage dissolved because of my health issues. “Well, I guess to this one it was a big “BYE “on  both sides and I felt it was In my favor too  because a person who can turn their back on me In my most critical time does not  deserve me. I was extremely glad that ended well enough because if it had agreed to marry the outcome would have been outrageously dishearten.

Finally, this last encounter meets my true best friend, mentor, disciplinarian, and partner in everything. He has meet all the qualities extraordinarily on my list.  Throughout my adventure I had not come across a person that was even close to what my criteria were until I this sweet angel. Once again, open-minded, and straight forward me was free. I created an avenue of good communication that has continued to function till date.

The relationship held a disciplined structure right from the onset. We both started out as friends, in that process he became my confidant no matter the circumstances concerning his reactions or emotional out pours. I could always tell him anything I wanted to even if it meant me being scolded by him, he is my confidant. I have found the true definition of love in both God, him and everyone who cared to listen to how and why I made the decision. I have no regrets at all regarding the events and stages that we have both encountered thus far in our life-long Journey. I true admire my own thoughts and understanding of the definition “Relationship”. 

The mare fact that I have a different approach to  the entire insight of relationship makes others question the reason for my choice of action because they feel it’s strange for me to be closed-eyed to the men around me I will everyone understand  that I have my specific personalized  quality checklist he fortunately over qualified and beyond measures meet my expectations. I am happy today and satisfied that I am in a safe and comfortable zone.

I had come up with a check list of what I wanted in my partner. The question is does the other party share the same check list.  There were times I felt I had nailed it other times felt maybe the idea of being in a relationship was a bad ideology.

Now, when it comes to relationship, I strongly feel I am Old School because of how I handled ‘Business”. Dating for me meant implying and modifying certain foundational principles. Thus far, the strategies I have implied are one of my largest achievements. While I was still trying to get to knowing who my lifetime partner would be, I had always kept low shoulder I was never “full of myself “as it regards to individual opinion. I have always been a person who does not ad apt one’s onion unless after several deep thought processing.

Therefore, I think being open minded in a relationship is a phenomenon. I did not choose who to date based of social class or educational background as seen in most circles today in our society. I am not influenced by anyone’s kettle as they say I mind my business. Their character was one criterion that always either pulled me closer or pushed me away. I did not just study the beginning of his approach to things as well as the end that is how I determined what worked and what did not work for me until recently when I found him. Currently, the involvement of our families is to its minimum due to previous experience.

Normally,  I would gladly  introduce the person I have chosen to be with since  my last encounter I have chosen not to expose my relationship to the entire family until  both of us are ready to tell the whole world. I am very strict and down to earth in my relationship. Some people say I take everything too seriously but not as serious as this aspect. I define the term “relationship” it implies the word genuine commitment in my heart. It is one of the strongest motors that drives me. Some people perceive dating someone to be a game for others like me I take it as like a serious investment more of a lifetime commitment 1 had to set some other principles I felt my Mr. Right should possess after several trials I ended up with meeting my goal. Prior to meeting my soulmate, I had dated people of with different character, structure as well as how they presented themselves in society.

Relationship should be a thing of choice between the two parties with no further involvement of a third party.  When it comes to dating the two parties should have an insight of what they want to achieve. Making decisions as to who suits you should a choice that you and your creator a third party’s opinion should not make a significant difference long as you are convinced with your decision. Choosing your partner should not be based on material things rather it should be viewed through their personalities, presentation, and their value system. These things are very vital when we are dealing with dating especially for those of us in the diaspora.

A relationship with an individual of the Nigerian decent or curious about dating spending time with me will help you understand how we as Nigerians can place you better in touch with a much wider scope their relationship radar before now, structure and even deeper.

An entire community must see to success to the parties and families uniting. Then families at times glance into each other’s future accordingly. When this portion has been resolved they then deviate to their educational background which has been there for years now, as a matter of fact, if after the investigation is conducted as it turns out he or she either one of the parties have no educational background that is where most times the relationship between the two parties dissolve even before the starting point.

A typical family involved in certain relationships would work only if their individual qualifications per family were met.

However, sometimes the relationships with family involvement end up successful and there is absolute peace within all those who are involved in the union because again relationships are family affairs for some people. Parents should also try understanding the type of child they have because sometimes a lack of total understanding could also create friction between the parents and child. The honest truth is there is time for everything the same thing goes to circumstances whereby the parents are not in support of the union of both parties they should be able to come to a compromise allowing all those involved to smiles and peace at the end of the day.

Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic post. Much thanks again. Great. Marchelle Byrann Eimile

  2. There is obviously a bunch to identify about this. I believe you made some good points in features also. Pippy Jabez Vladamir

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